tears behind the mask

how if a special person in your life, a person that you really trust, just like your own sister, more than anything you have betray you? its just like someone special in your life put the most poisonous poison into your drink. sadly complicated but definitely true. people say that friendship come from trust. but how if there's no more trust between us? 

well, iv got a problem. its simple but slightly stabby. do you still remember about one of my best friends that i wrote on my last post? she said something that made me hurts so bad. idk but i was just wondering. she says she care about me and she wont hurt me. but how did she said that to me? 

sometimes a tough girl needs her own time to cry alone 
without anyone to stand beside. 
because she's tired. 
she's tired of this sickness. 
the sickness from the big hole in her heart. 
this hole is a pain. 
a pain that can not be healed by any single word in this world. 
there's only one thing she can get. 
tears.

January, 7th 2010. Olivia Natasha

a little piece of my world

hello world :D i am Olivia Natasha (dont be scared of my silly pic LOL i know its totally horrible) a 14 year old kid (nearly fifteen, turns to 15 on 22nd february 2010) with an outrageously extraordinary life. ima PRADNYA SIWI (you can google it) student. loving people around me, especially my best friends. talkative and friendly. dont ask me about sluts, im effin fvckin hate them, especially my beloved junior, the gossiping machines on Junior High School. naah cut it out. and eer lets talk about things that i would die for them. First thing that i mostly love, are my best friends. They meant everything to me, just like my unbiologycal family. I love them a lot. Sabrina Naroso (Sabren_dgp on twitter) omg she stole my heart lol technically she's my lil erotic sister. Raden Roro Putri Zatalini Sabila (Zatalinna on twitter) the greatest listener and problem solver over the universe oh gawsh im glad i met her. Cynthia Wara Ivandasari (ryeo_cynthia on twitter) the talking machine lol she's very emotional (but i like it and i love to keep her that way). Raesya Oktrivia Gonta (goomiraesun on twitter) mah big fashionista auntie, loving and totally gorgeous, and she got the best shoulder for me to cry on. Ika Nur Rahma (ikafastidious on twitter) the eat a lot LOL she's definitely outgoing and thats what i do really need to kick mah boredom outta my weekend.

and here are the second things that drives me crazeh, just read it and tell me if you've got the same hobby as i do, maybe we can share more about these things :)

im into photograph - wanna learn more about it. its FUN as hell. its jst like you're perpetuating great momments in your life, and those great momments are permanently saved in pictures so those great momments are not forgotten and thrown away such a rubbish.
here are some pictures i took  or i should call them rubbish LOL yes, im an amateur but please dont laugh at it. i hope you like it :)

im into basketball - omfg i could say much about this. this is mah fav sport. idk but i do really enjoy the beat, the heat, the way i steal the ball and shoot it and bomb i break the score and maybe it sounds ridiculous but i love to scream as loud as i can to support my teammate when they're in a deep depression. well basketball has being a part of me for short.

im into fashion - yea thats what girls always do. some of girls like to steal someone else's style but thats not be valid for me. i LOVE to create my own style. i like to dress like an emo, screamo sometimes i wear some distro stuff, and umm pretty much retro. sometimes i mixed em. and i hate DRESSES and high heels. i'll do anything to suprise the worlds eyes. call me an attention grabber, you're wrong. i don't seek attention. i look to stand out, not to stand in.

times out

YAAMPUN ga kerasa uda hampir 3 taun aku sekolah di SMP N 4 Pakem yg berarti kontraak sayaa di sini bntar lagi habis huhu. sumpah aku kaget, kayanya baru kemaren aku selesai menunaikan tes macemacem mulai dari tes IQ, macemacem mapel dsb yg bikin otakku butek, nikmatin masa bridging course yang bikin aku ngiler masuk sini, soalnya ada Mr. George *native, orang item yang ngomong bergaya british* yang kupikir guru tetap, wawancara, momen bahagia pas pengumuman penerimaan,ngerasain masa MOS apalagi pas dsuru bikin surat cinta buat kakak2 osis, haha unforgettable momment tuh hehe :DD

5 bulan lagi UNAS dateng, berarti gerbang buat keluar dari SMP uda deket hiks. aku pengen tau gmana rasanya ngelepasin seragam biru putihku heh jangan ngeres! buat ganti jadi abuabu putih. kadang aku mikir, gimana ya rasanya pisah sama temen2 deketku, orang-orang nyentrik yang sering ku liat di skolah, plagiator yang sering bikin gemes, adeade kls yg nakal bin aneh, ankank OSIS getar goyaang yang gokil, anakanak MBC merapi basketball club, tim inti basket 10 dn 11, orang-orang yg uda sempet ngisi ruang di hatiku hasyaah, guru-guru yang beranekarupa nyehehe peace pak, buk :p, jajanan di kantin depan sama mie gorengnya bu pon, dsb.

nah, barusan aja aku ndengerin lagu lawas, lagunya Vitamin C, judulnya Graduation. liriiknya nyesek. mataku aja sampe basah kaya abis ngiris bawang (padahal yo gaperna ngiris bawang). jadi inget hari pertama masuk di smp 4 pakem, ngerasain gimana panjangnya antrean buat ngambil seragam, masuk jadi pasukan inti tonti, jadi tim inti basket wah jadi inget mb dinna, nambah pengalaman baru sama temen baru lewat study tour Singapore-Malaysia, trus ngalamin kesan pertama sama temen2 sekelas yg jelek, ngerti gimana rasanya dimusuhin orang katanya garagara pandangan pertama mereka terhadap saya adalah sombong dan angkuh wakakak, sampe akhirnya aku nemuin Raden Roro Putri Zatalini Sabila sahabat paling setia hingga detik ini :D.

beralih ke jaman peralihan. LOH? hahah. maksud ambo jaman kls 8. pada jaman ini, hasyaah eer mksdku pas jaman kls 8 ini, banyaaaak banget kisah kisah yg benerbener berkesan buatku. masamasa nakal bin brutal, jedak jeduk senam jantung tiap ketemu dia hiyeks, jadi buronan BK, cek cok rapat jumpernya brevity, ngalamin STUDY TOUR KE JAKARTA BANDUNG euh penginapan beserta fasilitas lainnya yang BB bosog banget (walau waktu itu aku jadi tau mana yang namanya bener2 temen dan mana yg bukan), ngalamin asem manis pait kecutnya love story sama orang, ngerasain perjuangan abisabisan di lapangan basket, perjuangan buat ikut BODA CUP alhasil dari nanggung beban jadi kapten tim, menang kalah wkt lomba, ngerasain gimana dihianatin sama ngehianatin orang, dan akhirnya berakhir geje.

tapi ga cuma sepet doang kok isi cerita sejarah kelas 8ku, buktinya nemuin ikan paus gembrot terdampar di jalan yang akhirnya ku beri namaIka Nur Jannah Saleha, ketemu cewek yang sok cantik tapi nyentrik nan asyik Cyntong Wara Ivandasari dan tante galak alias Raesya Oktrivia Gonta Ganti Cowok dan akhirnya kita jadi klop dan saling dukung ;D

tapi satu hal yang benerbener berkesan buatku di detik2 terakhirku di PS, yaitu waktu aku nemuin lele yang kaya sapi, ato sapi yang kaya lele di lapangan basket SMP N 4 Pakem yang namanya Sabrina Dwi Garindri Putri. entah kapan dan bagaimana, tapi dalam waktu singkat aku uda ngerasa deket sama dia, bahkan kaya uda kenal lamaaaa. baru deket sebentar aja, tapi uda ada banyak orang yg berkicau. emang kita beda angkatan, beda sifat, beda rupa, beda agama, etc bahkan terlalu kontras, tapi itulah yg namanya temen sejati, biar saling melengkapi. as someones told, differences are colour of friendship :D

huhu balik lagi ke topik di ATAS tadi, huahua aku ga rela deh harus pisah sama mereka. yaah udala, liat aja gmana besok aku ngadepinnya. huhu. buat penutupan, aku kasih reff liriknya lagu Graduation by Vitamin C yg daritadi tak dengerin aja deh..

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

goodbye JERK :)

well, i wasn't mad
jealous hate envy or regard yew
as mah enemies but one thing
you should knw is:
uv dissapointed meh. thats all.
i think id neva trust anyone
like you guys bfore but i was
TOTALLY wrong. but its not the
end. its jst d beginin of "yer"
and "my" world. there will no "our world"
anymore.
its jst like you wrote down
yer memories on diary,
but uv made a mistake
n there were no eraser or correction
tape. u had no idea n then u snagged
out that paper out of yer diary.
no more memories. soon or later
ull forget all of ur sweet memories
that uv wrote down. byebye

KONYOL :bb

jadi gini critanyya. kmaren kamis tanggal 6 August 09 aku ita vivi sale ella mbah amrii sama cucunya pergi ke GOR UNY buat ngeliat pertandingan basket final putra putri kodya vs sleman. pakk amrek dateng sama cucunya, ita d boncengin ella (haha ak baru tau ella bs nyetir), vivi nebeng sale, sedangkan ak d anter langsung dari ssc. pulang dari ssc,, aku lsg d drop d depan uny. 

pas uda sampe di gerbang uny, ak coba telvonn sale buat cari tau dmana lokasinya mereka. naah, sale tuh cm kasi instruksi doang. dia nyuruh ak naek tangga ke atas (laah tangganya bejibun,, jadi asal naek aja) trus aku ngikutin suara suara sempritan sama gesekan sepatu basket dari dalem GOR. sampe d sana, aku benerbener bingung. banyak banget tuh makhluk dsana D:
trus aku nanya ma sale, "Le, kamu dmana?" trus dia jawab, "Mbba, liat tulisan GOR UNY ga? nah aku ada d sebelah kiri tulisannya." jiaaah, ku tengak tengok ko ga ketemuketemu trus aku nanya lagi "kamu duduk d kursi merah ato biru?" beeh dianya malah tambah bingung. sale aja bingung apalagi aku yg lagi mutar muter nyari dia. 

trus aku asal jalan aja,, ndlesep ndlesep dari orang-orang,, trus aku mulai panik. tengak tengok sana sni udah kaya anak ilang (huhu malumaluin deh) itu aku beraksi kaya ank ilang dalam keadaan pegang hp,, jadi masi ngomong* ma sale. nah wktu itu ak jadi bingung sndr, kok kayanya suaranya sale jadi jelas banget. aku nengok sanasini,, beeeh ternyata sale ada d sampingku. geblegnyaa,, dia yg d sampingku persis tu jg ga ngeliat akuu. haha. sungguh konyol xDD

happy ending (i guess)

Lately I've been thinking about the day when he left me i know i loved him from the start and i know he did (coz he said that) and the pieces of my memories about him stuck in my heart and i just cant throw it all. it was obviously pathetic, and when he said "sorry, my parents wont let me be yours" he think that it was over, but i dont. its not over yet. idk but i think there were something spragged in my head.

I know that love was complicated and slightly overrated and we made each other nearly go insane and all we've done was useless, and stupid but it hurt so bad to lose it and I don't want to lose him all the way and when i remembering my 14th birthday at pizza hut, my homemade chocolate valentine, our favorite song; the time when we've been so bussy talk about it all the time, our great big laugh and basketball stuff being a great part of my life. but it is all seems such a waste if we just let it go.

and oh damn the alarm of my brain alerted me to stop me because its extremely jeopardize me. and with a little help from my friends i've tried to warn my self, and says, "we're much better of separated." and somebody proposed me to be just FRIEND with him. and it was a great idea, i think. and i was wondering, i remember how to be friends. do you think that we could start there again? better than if we just pretending to be enemy over his cousin and parents and people forever? im a bit glad. and i think this is the best solution, for me, for him, for his parents and mine. just come back over at the first again. i've seen the world since he'd gone and i think we're much better being friends. hard for me, but iv got to try. hopefully i can turn back time lol

hari pertama masuk skola

13 Juli 2009. hari pertamaku masuk sekola taun ajaran baru 2009-2010.

hari ini tuh hari yg bener* ku tunggutungguin selama liburan,,
pengen cepet* ketemu bestieskku buat bagibagi cerita dll
tapi ternyataa apa yg ku dapet cobba ?
pagipagi akku bangun kesiangaann, uda gitu,, jakal macetnyya luar biasa!
d jalan tuhh akuu uda berharap bangeet biar akku ngeliat ank berjas
zpk lewat gtu, biar akuu ada yg nemenin kalo telatt.
sial oh sial. ternyata samsek gada ank zpk yg melintas.
sampelah akku d skola, gerbang uda d tutup.
langsung deh aku nekat mbuka tuh gerbang,, lari sekenceng mungkin
truss ngelempar tas ke pinggiran jalan.

huaaaah, maluu berat deh. smua ank yg ada di barisan telat nengok semua
ke akku! setelah ak ikutan baris, untung deh ad yg lebi parah dari aku.
untung ragil koko ma syapa gtu dateng trs gabung k barisan.
trs koko nanya, "eh mbakk, bukane kamu tugas?"
oh iyya. aku baru inget kalo aku ikutan jd petugas upcara.
haha, biar deh. uda ada si baskom yg ngegantiin ko.
nah, setelah upcara selesai,, penderitaan yg asli baru d mulai.
ank* yg telat d suru ngumpul panaspanasan d lapangan!
dkasi hukuman apa cobba ?

ehm ehm. yak di sini saya punya garis, silahkan anda anda semua
memperbaiki kesalahan anda dengan melintas melewati garis ini.
TAPI, sepatu ataupun kaos kaki tidak diperkenankan menyentuh garis ini!
silahkan dimulai dalam hitungan sepuluhh detik!

dag dig dug duer! akku mikirr. sementara ank* cowo kls tuju
uda pada nekat mbrangkang. satu hal yg melintas d pikirannkuu,
yaitu : NYEKER. yauda, langsung deh ak copot tuh sepatu+kaos kaki n jalan santei.
mending kalo tadi gada yg liat. beuuh, ternyata semwa ankank kls 7 baru
ngeliatinn dengan kidmat! malu besar deh.

habis ngejalanin hukuman aneh,, balik deh k kelas.
ga perna kebayang d pikirankku kalo test ICAS tu bener* susah.
yah sudahh. alhasil akku cm sempet ngerjain 27 dr 50 soal english.
mathnya sih multiple choisenya gampang, tapi uraiannya LUAR biasa susah.
ipanya dari awal sampe akhir bener* gada yg gampang.
gilak beener deh. emg ank* Australi ga kesusahan ya ma soal gtuan?
ck ck ck.

benerbener deh. hari ini hari sial.

i hate monday.

ggah, gmanapun juga pengalaman buruuk cm bs di obatin ma lagunyah

stephen jerzak. awaw he's the best !